Abakobwa: Dore ibimenyetso 10 byakwereka ko umusore agiye kugusaba kumubera umugore

Abantu benshi bari mu rukundo bakunze kugorwa no kumenya igihe gikwiye cyo gushyira hamwe umubano wabo ngo bafate umwanzuro wo kurushinga, babe umwe bafatanye urugendo rw’ubuzima babyare, barere bari kumwe nk’umugore n’umugabo.

Bitewe n’igihe waba umaze ukundana n’umukunzi wawe, bishobora kugera igihe ukumva ko umubano wanyu mwembi utakiri uwo gusezeranaho ngo umwe age iwabo cyangwa iwe n’undi bigende uko! 

Ahubwo bikaba bikwiye ko mwajya musezerana ari ukubwira akajambo kagufi gusa hakurikiraho gusinzira muri kumwe mu nzu imwe. Aha ni mu gihe umubano wanyu wamaze gutera intambwe mugeze ku rwego rwo kurushinga.

Ikigora abantu benshi rero ni ukumenya igihe gikwiye cyo kwegurira umukunzi wawe ubuzima bwawe bwose mukemeranya kubana akaramata. Iyo umugabo ageze muri icyo gihe rero, nk’uko urubuga Capital rubigaragaza, hari bimwe mu bishobora kumuranga ndetse n’impinduka zitangira kumugaragaraho akitwara ukuntu twakita ko kudasanzwe.

Natangira kwitwara uko, mukobwa, uzamenye ko rimwe mu mavi ye riri kumuhatira kuritera imbere yawe akagusaba ko mwabana akaramata. Inyarwanda.com yabakusanyirije bimwe mu bimenyetso bishobora kukwereka ko umusore muri mu rukundo ari hafi kugusaba ko murushinga:

1. Atangira kujya avuga kuri ejo hazaza muri kumwe mwembi akabivugaho kenshi ubudasiba. Akarushaho kugushira muri gahunda ze. Mukobwa nubona umusore atangiye kujya akunda kuzana ibiganiro biberekeyeho by’ejo hazaza, menya ko ashobora kuba ashaka kureba imyitwarire yawe n’uko ubyakira bikazanamufasha gufata icyemezo cyo kuzabana nawe cyangwa kubivamo.

2. Umukunzi wawe yatangiye kubika amafaranga ya hato na hato bitandukanye n’uko byari bisanzwe ariko ntakubwire impamvu yabyo. Ukabona yabaye undi wundi, wenda ari kubika amafaranga yo kuzagura impeta ikwiye kandi akeza karigura, ntabwo impeta nziza igurwa amafaranga y’urusenda!

3. Niba umukunzi wawe afashe icyemezo cyo gutegura umwihariko wo gusohoka mwe mwembi babiri, akita kuri buri kimwe cyose mu gihe ubusanzwe yakundaga kwiyicarira agatuza akaba ari wowe umukobwa utegura buri kimwe cyose, ntabe yanakubaza niba hari ubufasha ukeneye, menya ko hari ikintu kiri hafi kuba kibahuza kurushaho.

4. Nufata umusore mukunda ari gusambaguza utuntu twawe, uzahite umenya ko ashaka kugusaba ko mubana. Ubusanzwe abahungu ntibakunda kureba cyane mu bubiko bw’abakobwa. Abenshi ntibanakunda kureba mu masakoshi y’abagore cyangwa abakunzi babo kuko ubundi bifatwa nk’ikosa kuba umugabo yareba mu isakoshi y’umugore cyane ko iba ibitse byinshi nk’amabanga ye.

Numufata rero ari kureba by’umwihariko ahantu ukunda kubika imitako yo ku mubiri wawe (Amaherena, ibikomo, imiringa impeta, imikufi…) akenshi azaba ari gushaka kureba ubwoko ukunda ngo azamenye impeta azakugurira.

5. Umukunzi wawe ashobora kukubaza ingano y’impeta wambara. Iki gihe ntabwo yahita afunguka ngo akubwire ko ari iyo kugusaba ko mubana n’ubwo buri mukobwa wese ubibajijwe yahita atekereza ku rugo. Ariko umusore uzakubaza icyo kibazo azaba yabuze andi mahitamo ari ayo kukubaza gusa asigaranye. 

Rero ashobora kwisobanura akubwira ko hari aho yabonye bacuruza impeta akaba yabonyemo iyakubera cyangwa iyo wakunda ashaka kuyikugurira gusa bisanzwe cyangwa akabikubaza yarigeze gutwara iyo wahoranye utabizi akakubwira ko ashaka kukugurira iyisimbura nta kindi kirenze kandi ushobora no gusanga yarayitwaye ngo amenye ingano y’iyo wambara cyangwa ubwoko bw’izo ukunda. 

Gusa bitavuze ko igihe cyose uzabura impeta yawe izaba yaratwaye n’umukunzi wawe, Oya! Wenda nawe ushobora kuyiyambura ntumenye aho wayishyize ako kanya.

6. Kugusaba ko mwajyana gutunganya inzara. Ushobora gusanga ubusanzwe iyo ugiye muri saloon gutunganya imisatsi cyangwa inzara ugenda wenyine. Rero umukunzi wawe ashobora kugukorera agashya akagutungura akagusaba kugutunganyiriza inzara z’ibirenge n’iz’ibiganza ukisanga yakurangaje mpaka ukabona afite impeta imbere yawe ku munota wa nyuma.

 Ubundi buryo ashobora gukoresha ni ukugusaba kujya gutunganyisha inzara akaba yaguherekeza bidasanzwe ndetse akenshi usanga anarwanira kwishyura ayo ucibwa. Inshuro nyinshi uzasanga umuhungu akora ibyo yanatumije zimwe mu nshuti zanyu za hafi ndetse yanabivuganye n’abagutunganyiriza inzara akagutunguza impeta agusaba ko mwazabana.

7. Kukwibutsa uko wahinduye ubuzima bwe bukaba bwiza. Mu minsi ya mbere yo gukundana ashobora kujya akubwira ko wamuzaniye impinduka mu buzima ariko uko mutindana akazarekera aho kubikubwira. Nihashira igihe kinini akajya atangira kukwibutsa uburyo wahinduye ubuzima bwe bukaba bwiza, agatangira kujya yita ku tuntu wamukoreye ubona ari duto ndetse akanakwibutsa amwe mu mateka yanyu y’ahashize ubona abyishimiye, menya ko aho hafi hari ikintu cyenda kubaho.

8. Atangira kwita cyane ku bintu wigeze kumubwira ko ukunda cyane. Ushobora kuba warakundaga kumubwira ibyo ukunda ntakwereke na gato ko abyitayeho ukazacika intege rwose ukarekera aho no kubivugaho muri kumwe. 

Nyuma y’igihe kinini waranabyibagiwe ko wabimubwiyeho ukabona umukunzi wawe atangiye kwita ku biryo ukunda, indabo ukunda, umuziki ukunda, imikino ukunda, umuhanzi ukunda, icyo ukunda gukora, amakipe ufana…ashobora kuba ari gutangira kwitoza gukunda bimwe nawe ngo muzabane mube umwe koko cyangwa se ashaka kuzabikoresha ngo bimworohere kugusaba ko murushinga, akazagufatira ku byo ukunda.

9. Atangira kuvuga ku mpinduka nto cyane kuri wowe. Ubusanzwe ushobora guhindura umusatsi, ugakoresha inzara ariko umukunzi wawe ntagire icyo abivugaho. Igihe azatangira kujya avuga ku myambarire yawe, imigaragarire yawe, uko usa…akita cyane ku tuntu duto twaguhindutseho, menya ko ari kurushaho kugushaka ko muba kumwe cyane ko uburyo bwo kukwitaho butangiye kwiyongera.

10. Agushyira muri gahunda z’ubuzima bwe buri imbere. Igihe umukunzi wawe azatangira kujya agushyira mu mishangi y’igihe kirekire kiri imbere ku buzima bwe, akaguha inshingano ziremereye bya hato na hato menya ko ari gushaka kumenya ubushobozi bwawe mu kwita ku bintu byinshi kandi agufiteho gahunda ya vuba. Ashobora no kubikora ari uburyo bwo kugutoza kuzavamo umugore wita ku nshingano.